Posted by: onmyway2organized | August 9, 2010

Spiders

I have this fear of spiders.   At this point you my smile and  think, “All women have a fear of spiders”.   After all, we could all probably count on one hand the number of people we know who like spiders.   But I am not smiling.  You see, I have this FEAR of spiders.  It isn’t that I just don’t like them, or even that I hate them.  No, I really am afraid.

Today, while in my laundry area (which is in my garage), I saw one.  It had a spread about as big as the palm of my hand.  It was brown and had thick, strong legs.  “Oh, God!”  I pleaded.  Thinking maybe, just maybe, God would make it somehow disappear Or at least it would somehow shrivel up and die.  But it didn’t.  Breathing became harder as I realized that I would HAVE to kill it.  Which also meant I would have to be within reaching distance to it.  I grabbed the longest thing I could find-a spray bottle of shout.   I held my breath, and asked God to help me.  As soon as the bottle hit down, the spider moved.  My heart rate skyrocketed as I screamed, jumped from leg to leg, and threw the bottle.  The spider was only injured and I quickly, yet cautiously grabbed another bottle to finish the job.  I had absolutely no mercy as I whacked down on the insect repeatedly.  It was finally dead.  It was over.

But, it isn’t over.  Even several minutes after, even after seeing it dead;  it is still hard to breath.  My heart is still beating rapidly.  I am still AFRAID.   I feel violated by the fact that it was in my house.  It still scares me.  I start to look around, “What if there are more?”  “What if I don’t see the next one?”  “What if…..”  Right now, in this moment I should be doing more laundry, but I feel paralyzed.  How can I go down there? Just thinking about it causes my throat to become tight.

I’m not sure what exactly I think will happen if a spider touches me.  Or even if I’m afraid of it touching me.  I really can’t pin point why I’m afraid of them.  I know that the reality is that I’m bigger.  That I am capable of killing them.  That they are afraid of me.  But somehow reality doesn’t matter.  I have asked myself “What is the worst thing that could happen?”  I suppose it would be that it could bite me.   And in that line, it could be poisonous and that could kill me.  But, having faith in Christ, and the fact that I would only go home to see HIM, should alleviate those fears.  So, why do I panic?

I am trying to figure out what I should do with this.  I have been afraid of spiders my whole life.  As you can see, it is not a healthy fear. You may even call it a spiritual battle.  Do I not trust God enough to keep me from the harm of a spider?  Do I not know that He created them?  That He has control of all things?

So, my friends, I realize that I need to take this my God in prayer.  It may seem trivial, all that I have shared with you.  That an insect could cause such  a reaction from me.  But it is truth.  It is reality.  So, if you care to, you could ask God to help me with this fear, to have compleat faith and trust in him.  You never know, one day, you may see me sharing how God delivered me from such a fear of spiders.

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