Posted by: An American Expat | February 21, 2011

Upbringing (part two)

Read the first part of upbringing here.

Second Disclaimer:  I want to add that I was raised by good parents and I know that they desired to see their children walk with God.  I don’t want people to assume my faults on them.  I also want to clarify, that I am trying to keep whomever I have spoken about confidential in my posts.  People often make mistakes, and just because they made one, doesn’t mean that they do not love God or are content with their previous choices.  I know that I have offended many with my wrong actions and attitudes in the past and in many cases have not had an opportunity to tell them that I was wrong.  It could be very well that this could be the case with others also.   I may disagree with their statements and behaviors but I do not want to speak condemnation toward them. If you know whom I am speaking of, please do not share your knowledge and bring harm to anyone’s name.

After my failed counseling attempt,   I was lonely and had no friends;  Yet, I remember a peace during that time while trying to seek out God.  I felt God calling me to go to a small Bible College that I lived near.  I had taken a couple classes from them before and hated it.  I was bitter from previous hurts and the students there were unfriendly.  It made for a bad experience for all of us.   However, I knew God wanted me back there.  The week before classes started I cried and asked God to change his mind-he didn’t. And I thank him for that now.

During the first week of college I met a handsome young man, named Jonathan.  He was kind, funny and friendly.  After one date, I was in love.  Jonathan saw the pain and bitterness in me, yet patiently showed me truth from the word of God.  Looking back, I wonder why He even wanted to be around me, but I’m just so thankful he did. 🙂 I remember visiting his church with him for the first time.  They talked about God’s love-  It was amazing.

I am so thankful that God brought me to Piedmont, even while I kick against his plan, he was still faithful.  God is still purging out my wanting to work to please him, my legalism.  I am still learning to read the Bible to see who he is instead of what I need to do.  I am still learning to trust him and find out his character. God is still faithful, after all my mistakes and incorrect thinking about him.  He still loves, guides, and teaches.  Sometimes I still kick against his plan, but lovingly he pulls me back to him.

Now that I have two boys of my own, I am asking God to help me teach them truth about him.  Recently, I had to apologize to my oldest for getting angry at him when he disobeyed.  He asked me “Is God angry with us when we disobey?”   I cringed.  What was my life teaching my children about God?  I’m sure every parent who loves God seeks to teach them who God is.   I want to teach my children that God is loving but that he does hate sin.  That he is always faithful.  He is truth.  His son died as the sacrifice for our sin.  That nothing can separate us from his love.  That he calls us to be holy because he is holy. That our God is the most high God and there is none like him.  Yes, these are things that I want my children to learn.  These are the things that I want them  to think about when the think of their upbringing.

God is continuing to bring me out of legalism.  Pruning me, branch by branch.  It is painful at times, seamily unbearible at others and yet there is a contenment and joy in knowing that he is God and he is soverighn.  I want him to rule over my heart.  Even if it means he has to dig up all the old roots to plant new ones.

Sometimes, people are bitter about there upbringing.  I have struggled with mine as I have seen the effects of bad teaching and counseling lived out in my life.  But like I said before, I am held responsible with my choices, and with how I viewed God.  God gave me his word,  I could have sought him instead of the council of man (however, Godly I thought they were at the time).  God put me where I needed to be, whether I understand it or not.  God is wise and all knowing.  I know that God does not take lightly the misguidance I received, or the sin I chose.  But I also know that God is loving and can make beautiful things come from broken lives.  And I hope to be a broken life for him, to use as he wishes.


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