Posted by: An American Expat | May 4, 2011

The dreaded decision


Today I face a hard decision.  Is it the most difficult decision I’ve ever made?  No.  Not by any means.  Yet, my heart is heavy and my cheeks have tear stains on them.

As I posted yesterday, Zoe got very sick.  Out of nowhere, she was on death’s door.  Monday we were playing and learning to train Zoe, and she was doing great!  I was beginning to feel like we made the right choice about our boxer/bluetick mixed pup.  She was proving to be smart and loyal.  I figured one day we would have the best behaved dog on the block.  Yes, we were finally dog people.

However, Tuesday I posted about how sick Zoe had gotten.  Today hasn’t been much better.  I went back and forth about what to do for her.  Sometime this afternoon,  I finally got the nerve to make some phone calls.  A friend called a friend and we determined that IF I wanted to put Zoe down, we had a place to do it.  The question was IF.  And I was the one who had to find the answer.  If you been reading this blog for a while you know that I’m an indecisive person.  Which sometimes can be comical.  Yet, other times, it’s anything but.  I know what needs to be done though.

The poor thing.  She weakly wobbles about.  She’s just sick.  She looks sick, acts sick.  Without going into a lot of gross detail, I just don’t think she is going to pull out of this one.

What happened?  I don’t know.  She could have been hit by a car.  Eaten something she shouldn’t have.  Have a super bad case of worms.  Maybe this time its parvo.  I’m not a vet and it’s becoming clearer all the time that I’m not well knowledgeable is puppy illnesses.  All I know is she dying.  Right there in my kitchen.

When Jonathan got home today, I broke down crying.  By that time I had decided what needed to be done.  I just didn’t want to say goodbye.  How’d I let this happen to her?  Who can’t keep a dog alive?  Right now, I don’t feel as if we should be trusted with animals. Right now, I feel like a failure.

It was hard to tell the boys of our decision.  Jonathan took the opportunity to talk about how animals are different from humans.  (He reminded ME of the same thing while I was crying, sometimes- you’re just sad over something.  Even if its not eternal.) As we told the boy’s of our decision, Noah begged for another dog.  Jonathan was up for the idea and my heart couldn’t take anymore breaking.  “Sure”, I said, “we can see what kind of dog would be best for us.”  My mom has long been asking me to take one of her dogs, Sandy.  I refused at first, because we were sure we wanted a puppy.  But as we all laid on the bed, Sandy sounded like a pretty good idea.

Right now at this very moment Jonathan is on his way with   Zoe.    The boys and I had our final goodbyes.  Curently I’m unsure of my decision.  Could she have gotten better?  What did we do wrong?  Right as Jonathan was leaving out the door, I asked, ” Do you think this is best?” He replied “Yes”, and walked out the door with my barley  breathing puppy in tote.

Sweet Zoe,  you are a really are a good dog.  We will miss you.

UPDATE: A worker at the clinic is going to try and nurse Zoe back to health.  If  Zoe does get better they are going to have adopt her out through a rescue clinic.  The bad news is once you turn her in, you can’t have her back.  (so we can’t adopt her back )  😦  The good news is she has a better chance then I had thought.  They aren’t sure exactly what is wrong yet.  They said it was not parvo and they only thing they could think of would be a bad worm infestation. But they aren’t positive.   Zoe had worms when we first got her.  I had thought that she had healed from it (she was treated once with a chemical treatment and then I treated her with a natural herbal treatment).    Zoe is a fighter so she might pull through.  It still makes me a little sad knowing we won’t see her again, but this second option is much better than the first!

UPDATE 5/5/11:  Zoe didn’t make it 😦


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: