Posted by: An American Expat | May 11, 2012

It’s midnight

Sometimes late at night when all is asleep, I feel the urge to write.  I reflect upon and pour over the past events on my life, and for whatever reason, I want to open them up to the world.  Some of you know what I’m talking about.  Some of you think I’m crazy.  Thats ok.

Even though writting more often was on my goal list for the year (and I thought it would be easy because, and I quote “I love to write,”  I haven’t posted a single thing in almost a year.  I have written a couple things; but not posted.  Didn’t seam right. That is because I mostly want to pour my heart out about how much I still miss the babies I lost, and how I dearly want one now.  But I figure, without going through something like that, its hard to relate and most have probably heard enough of my heartfelt tears.  You can only say “I love those babies” so many times to the ear that never lost one.

Aside from that, I really just haven’t written much.  It may be because there is SO much going on.  And the things that I feel most strongly about, well, I just don’t know if I’m ready to share them.  Or perhaps because, there are real people involved and I just love them to much to write about those situations.  However much of a writer I would like to pretend to be, the fact is; i’m not.  Writers, real writers, can turn the mundane into something special.  They can break your heart, fill your stomach with laughter or move you to dream.  No, I’m not a writer.  But I do like to share.  But sharing involves life, and life involves people and sometimes; you just can’t cross that line.

What I can tell you is that God is awesome and has been doing mighty things in this heart of mine.  Pruning, healing, breaking, mending.  All for his glory, all according to His deep love and mercy.  I have been learning real life lessons of faith, trust, and joy.  Opening my heart for God to open my eyes.  Learning to not be self dependent but instead to be solely dependent on him.  The Christian walk is just that, a walk.  Sometimes, you move so slowly you question if you’re moving at all.  Sometimes its all an awesome blur.  And a lot of times you have to walk the same path more than once.  But God is always faithful.

On a lighter level so many things have happened already this year.  We finished our first year of homeschooling.  We became even more involved with our Church.  Formed new relationships and new friendships.  Oh, and we got a cat, named Leo, whom we love dearly.

As far as the journey towards real foods goes, I’m not sure what to say.  It one of those non-exhaustible topics where everyone feels as if they have the answered.  I found out I can’t have gluten.  I currently think I have an intolerance to corn.  I was really starting to feel much better, and then in the last month have started to feel poorly again.  I’m very interested in the nutritional side of eating, yet, can’t seam put what I know into practice.  I keep saying “once I’m better, I want to study nutrition.”  Maybe I should start with “how to break the sugar addition”.  Sigh

I suppose that’s out year in a nutshell.  A very small nutshell. The summer is upon us which means days of working in the yard, swimming at the pool, and maybe, just maybe writing a little more often.  Hopefully not at midnight.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: